Kathrin's Blog - for blog with images: https://kathrinlake.wordpress.com/

Intergrity

What is integrity exactly? I was talking with someone about the word and we looked up the dictionary definition. It stated the obvious meanings, like committing to values and principles, having honor and sincerity, etc., but we both felt that those definitions were somehow too simple, and lacked what integrity meant for each of us. When I am having trouble grasping the essence of a word I go beyond my dictionary and go to my Word Origins book. As is happens, “integrity,” in its original meaning, means “whole.”  That is why in mathematics a “whole” number is called an “integer”, and why “entire” and integrity sound similar. Integrity also comes from two words that mean “in touch.”  When I read these origins of the word integrity, lights, bells, whistles went off in my head. To me, integrity is not just committing to your own values, but it also means being sensitive to others and committing to the “whole”, and being “in touch” with everyone and all concerned. Integrity to me is the ultimate win-win. Win-wins are sometimes easy to achieve and sometimes difficult.  What I know (now) is that you really have to seek out and create win-wins, they are not handed to you. And, when you do find the opportunities for them, don’t settle for anything less. It may involve your having to listen to others, endeavoring to really hear their desires and concerns, to get you there.  However, if people you are wanting to work with (or hold integrity with), seem to be not listening to you, not respecting your point of view, or if they choose to be more competitive, don’t give up on them right away.  First, try to alter your communication to the best of your ability, until you are sure it is possible for them to hear the win-win and understand the value that only works when everyone wins. If they still don’t hear it, or are feeding back to you a possible win-lose, then back away if you can. The trust issues may be too difficult. Find better partners who really get it, so you get the integrity you need to do what you do to the best of your ability, and allow others to do the same. You may not get it 100% every time, but trying for it every time is worth it. That is my definition of integrity.

The Fear Experiment

Fear is not what you think it is. You are not your fear. Fear is not the real you.
Fear is a useful signal on the path to freedom. We do anything to avoid it, but if we look at it closer we will be surprised what is really going on, and what you can learn from fear.

THE FEAR EXPERIMENT

Try this experiment. Say "I fear...(and add what you fear)" And stand back and be aware of what thoughts start racing around your head. Are you comfortable? Do you start obsessing? Do you feel stronger or weaker? Just observe.

Now let’s get curious about what is going on.

For two examples, let’s say you said:
“I fear that I don’t have enough money to retire.”
“I fear that my boss doesn’t think I am competent.”

Now try saying…

I love the fear that I don’t have enough money to retire.
I love the fear that my boss doesn’t think I am competent.

Why would you say this kind of statement? Because often it is more true. It is the fear that we nurture, not the thing we fear. We keep fear alive. We obsess about it. We love the fear, by feeding it. Some people think that their fears keep them in line, but far more often fears do the opposite for people. They keep them frozen, and playing to their weaknesses not their strengths. A frozen person often goes into denial and does not make good choices, or reacts in an extreme way that also does not create their best choices.

In the first example, about retirement money, people may either do nothing, or try to hang on to money, and make no investments or risks with it, or do small, simple but foolish or unlikely things like buying lottery tickets, because the idea of money and projecting into the future scares them and freezes them. Ultimately, they are not really doing the best thing for their future comfort with money. The fear is managing them, they are not managing the fear.

In the second example, about competence, people think that if their boss does not think they are competent, then they are not. Is this true? First, they often don’t know what their boss thinks? Second, they can never, ever, truly control what their boss thinks, or what anyone thinks. Yet, we obsess about what others want or think, and take actions that may not assist what we want. People can work extra hard, and often they are still not pleasing their boss (I’ve seen it many times in my role as a Human Resources Manager), or they may be pleasing them, but they believe they are not. They are playing to their weaknesses not their strengths. They never stopped to consider that their competence, and how they think about it is, is ultimately determined by them alone. This reveals that fears are often a self-esteem issue. There is nothing wrong with the person themselves. Playing to their strengths can put them in a better position, maybe with their boss, but more realistically in their next career move, one better suited to their strengths, where they don’t worry about their competence at all.

Instead of taking them apart and getting close to our fears, we feed our fears and let them grow without understanding them, until we feel a victim to them. How do you turn the hunted, into the hunter? How do you put fear on the run? It is not easy because of much ingrained programming and patterns are difficult to let go of, but it is possible, and 80% of that possibility is accomplished with awareness. When you have awareness, you can see your fear as a useful signal to a path to freedom. Some may call it facing fears, but it is also becoming curious about it and realizing that fear is a human condition and you are not alone. It is also really a part of our programming making us suffer needlessly, and all of us can turn that around. Love your fear for what it is telling you, not by feeding it. In other words, take the information, not the fear. And, instead love yourself and you may find that your fear will diminish or transform.

Money Matters

April 15, 2010 

I recently watched the soft spoken business guru, Brian Tracy, give a speech about how to achieve success. It is always satisfying to have a respected expert validate what you yourself have already learned. In my book, From Survival to Thrival, I trace my struggle from being too poor to take my clothes to the coin laundry (consequently washing them in the bathtub) to, well, much more affluent.  Money isn’t everything, but financial health is one of my thrival tenants for the four pillars of health: health for the mind, the body, the soul and yes, for the pocketbook too.

When Tracy spoke about how many years ago his wife insisted they put away money and not touch it so they would always have something to fall back on, it reminded me that learning to put money away was a critical part of my health plan. Tracy talked about how having a little money behind you makes you move and act differently. People are attracted to the subtle confidence you exude when you have some money. And, by saving instead of spending you have learned discipline and awareness about money. The truth is, a little money does contribute to your health. Studies have repeatedly shown that often there is a correlation between health and income, and you do need a little money behind you to keep yourself out of stress, and taking care of yourself and your family. After a certain point, more money won’t help your health, but neither can the benefits of having “a little money” be ignored. It is my belief that the true definition of success is to have both optimum health and optimum happiness, and while money won’t solve either of those critical aspects by itself, money still matters.

 

New Perspectives from Mexico

New Perspectives from Mexico

March 25, 2010

Escape is sometimes seen as a cop-out, a run away but sometimes you do need to get away to get a new perspective. The difference between a resting escape (vacation) and a reflecting escape (a retreat), is that retreats involve active reflection, active planning or active meditation.  Although sometimes we feel like we need a vacation after our vacation, we should feel rested and rejuvenated. But what do we come back to? The same old grind and nothing has changed. If you have a retreat in which you have actively planned for education, reflection, meditation and planning, you come back both rejuvenated and focused on what’s next. You will have accomplished new thrival perspectives that propel you forward with enthusiasm.

Every time I return from Mexico, I can’t believe how many “things” I have in my Canadian home. My new perspective from Mexico makes me understand what is really important and to stop buying more “things” unless they really add to my life.  I start to realize how valuable time is. My time. As someone from Mexico once told me, “You can make more money if you want to, but you can’t make more time.” Many people are in career transitions right now, some of whom I am coaching through this cycle. It is important to realize that the aim is to make the time you spend making a living as enjoyable as the time you spend on a vacation.  Are you engaged and thriving? This kind of transition sometimes takes a long time to figure out how to make happen. Some of us never do. But if you keep doing the same cycle of work, vacation, work, with no time to reflect, meditate, plan, and get the support to take the next jump, you probably won’t.

Next winter I will be taking people on a Mexico retreat, Taking Your Dream Out of the Box directed at people with a secret wish to be writers and other dreamers, so make sure you get on our list as an interested person. We can email you details now. Make your thrival dreams happen now, and leave survival behind.

Choices

February 11, 2010

Recently there has been a lot of choosing going on in people’s lives. A number of people are making decisions to change their lives: quit their jobs, go back to school, end a relationship, start a business, change locations, get help to take it to the next level, help others, deepen a relationship, and on and on. Do you ever notice that as soon as you make a choice, especially a big choice, even if it is just an internal voice inside you, everything around you starts to change?  The universe opens up possibilities, forces conclusions and creates momentum towards that choice. Sometimes it feels like a miracle. Sometimes it is overwhelming and not that pleasant, which may indicate you wavered a tad too long over making that choice, and the universe started to choose for you, and, not in the way you would like it.

People waver because there is often a great deal of mental anguish leading up to that decision. There is a careful weighing in of all the ramifications, a letting go of fears for security and familiarity, and a dread of facing individuals for perhaps an unpleasant encounter. How can we make these decisions less painful? One way is to have a good sounding board of someone who is not invested in your decision one way or the other. To appeal to your logical side, a good old pros and cons list can help. But, also listen to what your heart, soul and even your body is telling you. Do you tense up a little too much at the idea of returning to school? Sometimes it takes quite a lot of listening to all the sides of yourself consciously to find the best next step.  And it is the next step you are looking for, not necessarily your whole future, forever and ever. Relieve the anxiety by understanding which things may be reversible, and which are not. Telling someone that you want a divorce, for example, is pretty irreversible, but telling them you want to talk about how you are not happy is maybe a better choice, with more possibilities. When you have collected ALL the data from your brain, your gut, your heart, your happy soul and everywhere else, the next step (not the “right” decision) will become more obvious and you will hear that magical little voice in your head make the decision, and the universe will respond.